October 31
by Lily Argetfricai
Summary: Sirius is going to tell James that he likes him. Sirius/James. Charcater death.


AN: I wrote this like a year ago...on the way to Switzerland, I was sleepy and probably high or something, because this pairing is odd.

Read, Enjoy, Review!

October 31

"Goddamit, Sirius! Why the fuck do you go around treating yourself and people like shit?!" Jack shouted at me as soon as I opened the door.

I winced and covered my oversensitive ears. Geez, _Jacqueline_ do you have to shout so loud? My head hurts so much…I guess it is hangover and a blow drier thrown at my head.

"Sirius," she sighted. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

Because of love, of goddamed unrequited love that hurts so fucking much. My eyes flew over to the mantelpiece where the photo lied. Because of him, my best mate who's married to a wonderful girl, the man who I was best man to, the bloke whose son I godfathered…

"James…" I sighted his name in a voice barely above a whisper, and a pained expression came to my face.

Jack looked at me in understanding and smiled sadly.

"You really like him, don't you? The bloke in the picture?" she said following my gaze over to the picture over the mantelpiece, me, James and my bike.

Damn perceptive muggle tomboy. Well that is what I get for renting a room of my apartment. Maybe I didn't really need the money…

"I know I might be butting in what is not my business, but…you should really tell him," Jack said fiddling with the end of her shirt.

"He's married. He has a kid," I managed to croak.

"He's your best mate, right? I don't really know him but he looks like he will understand… I'm sure he will," she said kindly. I hated people when they used that tone, but maybe…

Maybe, just maybe she's right. Prongs will understand. Tomorrow; October 30, no, 31 of 1981. I, Sirius Black will tell James Potter that I love him.

With that resolution and a probably stupidly determined look on my face I stumbled to my bedroom, still under the effects of alcohol. Jack followed my every move with her still worried eyes.

***

I yawned. What time is it? Sunlight is not entering through my window. Jack must have closed the blinds, she's a nice kid, sometimes annoying but nice.

I glanced at the clock, 2:00 it said in green numbers. That is weird; can you wake up 3 hours earlier than the time you had come home? I rubbed my eyes and stared at the numbers again; 2:00 pm, whoa I slept 9 hours, oh well.

I stood up and walked to the bathroom, lazily, and opened the hot water, letting it burn my face and body. Relaxing. Is not like I had anything to do today, since the Fidelious charm neither me nor Prongs had anything to do…Prongs! Fuck, I was supposed to tell him today, I was going to tell James that I loved him today!

Relax, Sirius, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…

I was going to tell James that I loved him today! Well maybe not today, I could wait a day or two. No, Sirius Black does not back down on anything.

Bathing took way longer than what it should have, mainly because every time I thought about what I was going to do, I hyperventilated. But I managed to relax a bit and finish bathing; I think I shampooed my hair about 3 times. I stepped out of the shower with a towel draped 'round my waist – once I didn't, and Jack almost killed me -.

What should I wear today? Something nice, not formal; it's not like I'm proposing (yuck), but not sloppy either, he'll think I'm drunk or high or something.

Jeans! Yeah, jeans are safe, and a shirt. White, a white shirt. I must have a white shirt somewhere around here.

Hair. I should let my hair down, instead of spiking it up. It will look more formal.

My stomach grumbled, I had not eaten since Merlin-knows-when, and I was hungry, very hungry. Food, food, I need cereal! I took out a bowl and a spoon and poured some Corn-Pops into it, spilling half the contents of the box into the floor and the table. Then I started eating.

May-munch-munch-be-munch-I-munch-munch-munch-sho-munch-munch-munch-uld-munch-munch-get-munch-munch-Ja-munch-mes-munch-munch-munch-some-munch-munch-thing-munch.

I like all this loud munching, it doesn't let me hear my thoughts. Maybe I should really get Prongs something, but what? Not flowers, too girly, maybe firewiskey or some of that muggle wine, or nothing?

Or I could simply postpone this…No! Sirius _Padfoot_ Black does not back down on his promises, ever, not even promises made to himself while drunk.

I need to go for a ride…and to buy wine.

***

Man, calming down sure takes a lot of time, longer than I though. It is dark already. At least I forget the wine.

What?! This is the Potter's house, but it doesn't look right…

I made my way over as quick as I could…the house was a He-who-must-not-be-named trademark mess…Wormtail betrayed us… the bastard betrayed us…James is dead…dead… I'll never get to tell James…

Tears started to roll down my face. He was gone, no, they were gone.

I saw Hagrid, he was holding something, a baby, Harry…his son, no, not his son but their son, James and Lily's Harry.


End file.
